oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
