can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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