Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
