Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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