Who did Billy Mays play for?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
