I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize