My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
