Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
