if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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