Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
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She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
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I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize