You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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