I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i was born a porn star she said
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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