It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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