we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
