I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
