At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
