At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
