I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
