well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Can I color on your dick again?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
