I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
