I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
