Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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