Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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