I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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