yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
