I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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