i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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