If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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