Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
