i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
