My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
