If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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