so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
