you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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