so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
