I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
