The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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