you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
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