I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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