You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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