I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
