It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
