I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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