I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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