I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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