We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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