Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
