omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
