My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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