I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
