Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
