NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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