i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
