While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
