Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
