Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
