Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
