He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
