I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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