DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
