a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize