you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
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Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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