U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize