I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
