Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
