Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
