NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
