I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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