Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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