So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How does one acquire holy water?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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