did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
