I'd wear matching sweaters with you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
