I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
