At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
