Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
