It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
