are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
