even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
