I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Semen is not good for contacts.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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