Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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